Thankful

My next blog post should be about being thankful. Thanksgiving is over, and we are  moving on to Christmas In a hurry! I never want to forget about Thanksgiving. I find that every now and then I'm sad at this time of year. I think about family that we have lost and things like that. BUT THEN I remember that they are in a better place, and I need to be thankful for the ones that are left. I love my family and friends that are like family more than they know. It's like being with my family is unbelievable sometimes. We are so close that it's scary thinking about adding someone to the mix. As I sat with my cousin, April this weekend/Holiday before my sisters arrived, I felt déjàvu A TON! It's like we do the same things a lot of the time through the holidays, but every year there is someone added or a little change. This year my older sister is pregnant along with some of our family and friends. It's weird to think that every holiday will be different from the time on. There will be extra spouses and babies and more. When I get married I will try my hardest to not be selfish, but I know I'll be sad not being around for every holiday with my family. 

Well that was depressing to even think about... Huh? 

Back to being thankful. :). I'm glad to have the best (biased) people in my life and am excited for future additions.. I think! 

Xoxo, 

Blabbermouth 

Mondays got me like

Today is your day, your chance! This is the life you were meant to live. Okay.. That was a little much for a Monday, but I really should tell myself this stuff every Monday morning. They are always the hardest days for me to get out of bed. It's okay. I mean, I know I have a purpose and all that on Mondays, but I must admit I'm not the nicest I could always be. Today, my prayer is that I'm way TOO kind this week. I want people to say, "What has gotten into her?"  Jesus is what should be exalted through me every chance I get. It's okay if you don't agree.. You're lame, but it's alright ;). Only joking!  My hope for this week is to be the best I can be. I'm tired of stalking people that don't want to be friends with me or going out of my way to show my love to people that obviously could care less. That's just the way it has to be. I can't make people be friends with me or more than that. I'm going to accept that God has my back and that's awesome :). 

Xoxo, 

Blabbermouth 

It all started with a thought

It all started with a thought. I posted the above picture (status) on Facebook thinking not a lot about it beforehand... But then.... I got to thinking. Uh oh! I know! 

Now just because I'm a female, does not mean that everything I blog about has to be about a male. Obviously(if you follow me), it usually does... But that's beside the point. What I want to say is that it still sucks (I say still because I've wrote about this before) that people from your past can't stick around for every long. Now it's one thing if it's not meant to be, they are mean to you, or they die, but what about those friends that you just lose touch with or that old boyfriend that you really did like but you were in different places. (Run on... So what?) Well to those cases, I want to say... What the heck?  It sucks!

I don't know what men... I mean friends have to just not be friends or whatever they were to you anymore. It's like you grow apart and then it's awkward. 

Now back to the FB post: 

I feel like I was trying to say... Well.. Uh... That it's weird when you think back in time and see that person and imagine  talking and them saying your name, but you feel like it didn't really happen. Idk how to explain it... Maybe what if? Yes what if? I had a long time bf, but now it's hard to even remember what we had in common or what we even talked about. It's like a puzzle of huh? We went out? Not even going into the fact that I don't even remember the last time we talked or I saw him in person. Weird? Right? Now that is a good thing in most cases to not see an Ex... I get that one, but what about those friends that you used to do everything with... Then one day! Poof! They're gone! I wish all of my friends could go together one day and hang out and just remember all the good time! Where do I live? Not in a rainbow land of that's what you're thinking! I know that'll never happen, but a girl can dream. 

Random topic in my head: I should be a buzzfeed writer one day! I have a lot to say and share, and I think it would/could be fun to write about random things like plucking or waxing!!!! Oo ohhh aaaaahhhh. Idk! 

Well back to the subject at hand... There's nothing else to say except I'm a loony person and enjoy thinking it all out. It's always helped me to write things down. Recently I wrote a heart felt text to a friend of mine and probably freaked them out, but hey! That's me. Take it (me) or leave her? Idk how that goes. 

Sayonara! (sp?) 

Xoxo,

Blabbermouth 

What was it?

Was it love, lust or something else completely? I don't know how to explain the last year of my life. That's hard and seems horrible for me to say. I feel like my heart is mended ever since I went to church on Sunday (I go every Sunday, but yesterday seemed pretty special). Now I just have to understand the feelings I have for a guy that I've known practically my whole life. He knows I like him. I know he likes me... Pretty sure, but there's nothing done about it. Ya! You read that right. Nothing... Nada is happening. I ate dinner tonight with one of my best friends, and she put things into perspective talking about a guy she really likes. Our lives really are kind of parralel right now besides her having a son ;). She talked about how we could die not knowing how the other person feels, so it's not worth it not to talk to them or to play the stupid mind games. I feel like she is so right having been through really tough times.

My friend... We will just call him that... Is someone that I could totally see myself with most of the time. I think he's the kind of guy that my family would love that hasn't met him, and my friends liked. It's only hard to get him talking at times, but in my dreams he is quiet and they still like him then. Well... That kind of sounded like a stalker. Eeek! What I meant was that he shows up in my dreams a lot of the time and is interacting with my friends and family and keeping me close and being all cutesy and... Blah blah blah! See, the thing is... I think he thought he was worse than he actually was. He wasn't the most cuddly fellow, but I was okay with that. The few times he did let me in, I was very happy :).

There's really nothing else to say except that I wanna see my future still even though that would spoil absolutely everything ;). The end

Xoxo,
Blabbermouth :)

This is me. This is my story. This is my Testimony

Let your past experiences be a testimony to the people you come in contact with. My past relationship has opened so many doors with people I never would've had anything  in common with before (or so I thought). 

I've never really talked about my high school relationship with anyone out in the open unless it was a close friend. I'm not proud of the way situations were handled... Or maybe I was ashamed?

I was a freshman when I entered the negative relationship with an older boy that I thought completed me. He was not someone I ever thought I would connect with on another level because we were very different. 

We dated off and on for years. Every day and every time we broke up became harder and harder to break free from. We became dependent on each other. We became all we cared about... It was just not right. When you become to close to another person --- where is the time and room for God. Exactly... There isn't. He became obsessed with "checking in" with me to where it was impossible to not argue every single day. He was part father part boyfriend part police officer. I had no time for friends. I had no time for God. After one of our break ups, he promised to change like all the other times, and he started coming to church with me. I know! Exciting right? Well... Church was my refuge before.. At 15/16 when you have everything weighing down on you, it's nice to know that you still have a church family. Once, he started coming, it turned into another event we had to go to together and another place to argue. He was jealous of anything and everything that took the focus off of him, and sadly, looking back I guess God even fits into that box. 

I had so many friends that I would try to explain to and rationalize with that he wasn't always like this or he said he would change. It was never enough for me to simply ask him to stop being rude to my friends. That would turn into a fight about why they were "more" important. PAUSE. Girls, your friends are important! 

AND CONTINUE. 

It was literally a sickness that came over my mind when we were dating. There was no getting away. He would call my phone, my family members' phones... It didn't matter. The time didn't even matter.

Now I want to be clear in saying that this is not a hate bash isn't my past relationship or his family. They are wonderful people. I was wrong as well. I was part of the dependent relationship. There was never an out. We were still "fighting" or dating until I went to college. Even then he would find a way to be in my life. In my heart I knew he would have the power to really hurt me if I didn't Get. Out. I had no room to breathe.

When I went off to college and had guy friends. Really. Boys that were friends. He would find out. I remember him messaging some of the guys on Facebook if we were tagged in the same posts. 

When I briefly dated someone during a summer, he private messaged him giving him tips on dating me. They turned out to be just derogatory terms and insults as to why he couldn't put up with me. 

Even during my most recent relationship in which I really felt something deeper than just a crush, he asked me a few things through social media trying to find out Information on my boyfriend. It was just sick! 

Now there is also another side to this which I'm sure many of you have seen girls do while dealing with jerks like this. They hate them so much for so long. But.... Then they start to get mad when you talk about them:.. Even if they were just bashing the guy. It's a touchy thing even for me just typing it, so I get it. I promise. The other side is when I started to miss being around him and seeing him and craving that attention when I got to college. Every time we broke up I knew that it was the right thing because his presence was not something I wanted to deal with everyday, but inside I was a wreck and just wanted to think about all the good times. 1. That was not very many times in comparison to the bad times (remember that). 2. This was not correct of me. I could've saved so much heart ache if I had talked to my family or his family and not just let him of let myself talk me into giving him another chance. 

If you're wondering why I'm the way I am now, I still think this had a lot to do with it. I'm independent because of all I was went through. Having some verbally abuse you and put you down for having another opinion than their own is not okay. Having someone make you depressed in college when it's supposed to be the best years of your life isn't living. If there are people you know dealing with drugs, you know how hard that is to get out of. Well for me, this relationship was my drug. Being so claustrophobic by nature, I'm not sure why I let this smother me and hold me back for so long. I hope by sharing my story one day I can help young girls. 

Abuse of any kind isn't where I was my students, family, friends, or future children to be around. If, by chance you know my story somewhat or totally and completely and I hurt you during this time, I would love a chance to make it up to you. There's no excuse for dropping people like hotcakes for a relationship. Remember that! 

Xoxo, Blabbermouth :)

The next five years...

How about a post where I write about what I expect in the next 5 years? Well okay! Sounds great!

I'm obviously a Christ driven person, so that got me thinkin' why not write a post writing all my hopes and dreams for the next 5 years of my life.

1. I want to be happy.
2. I want to be in a happy, safe, loving relationship.
3. I want to be a better teacher.
4. I want to become closer to Jesus Christ.

This is all I can come up with at the moment.

Ps since I only really have one big fan---

5. I want to have more nieces and nephews to love and hug! ;) @ashley --- maybe kari too!

Xoxo,
Blabbermouth :)

Nothing to do with 4th of July. Sorry ;)

For the first time in forever --- yes! The song from "Frozen" really hits home with me--still! I think it's because "for the first time in forever" I really feel free. In the past (high school and on) I was part of the most bizarre relationship of texting and talking and dating someone and then breaking up and the same stuff over and over for the last like 7+ years. Last year, (or maybe 2012) is when it finally ended. I feel free. I don't have to worry about my cell phone dinging and it being "him" or anything like that and it's really awesome. I want to date again and be engaged and be married, but I am loving this stage in life of nothingness... That sounds sad. I just mean nothing as in no one to hold me back or worry in a negative way about who I talk to, hang out with or speak to. It's lovely to say the least. When you're under a microscope there's nothing you can hide. And the great thing now-- is there is nothing to hide bc I won't have to.

My family has always been so caring and amazing and I thank God for them daily. I only wish I had appreciated them more in the "I'm dating who I want phase". It wasn't really dating. It was like a union of annoyance. Uh oh I sound mean again-- scratch that jury! Lol.

Let's just say I'm happy where I am in life. Literally! It's summer time and for this teacher.. I am thrilled! I can't wait for gulf shores this month. Alabama is so amazing y'all. I know! Crazy, right? No way! It's great and magical and GORG!

Anyway, happy 4th! May the 4th be with you! -- eh, too much!

Haha

With love & ttyl,
Blabbermouth ;)

Single lyfe

Well I've been single for a few months now, and I've got to say... I don't hate it like I thought I would. Recently, I've been hanging out with different people and so busy out of my mind that I haven't had time to care. I was asked out the other day, and I didn't really realize it was happening and I accepted... Random I know. We will have to see how that goes when it happens. Another guy has added me to Facebook without my knowledge that it was to "get to know me" or something like that because I'm pretty. It's flattering but a little strange that he hasn't said anything to me... Just to a friend. Come on dude!!!! I've been with shy guys before and idk if loud Brittany can handle that. Sweet, calm Brittany thinks it's very nice and charming thought :). Back to the single life. I haven't had to worry about much of anything lately. The end of school was great because I just thought about my students and that was it... I went to a party right after school ending for graduations and parties and it was cool to not have to include anyone (even though let's me real--I would have done that in a heart beat).
The sucky part of this situation is that my heart and mind are doing two different things apparently because I'm still having dreams with his face In them--- it's downright annoying when I'm trying to get over that and then in my dreams he's like, "Hey girl! You're beautiful" and whatever. It's okay just kind of hard to deal with at times. I don't know if I really forget right when I wake up or I pretend I do and then get kind of upset all over again. I'm better than that--- whatevs!

Well happy summer from this teacher :)

Xoxo,
Blabbermouth :)

today

Whelp! Two Thursday ago, I started Nutrisystem. It is going well! I have lost 6+ pounds. It really is a nice feeling. I will be a maid of honor this summer and have a cruise set for June (the weekend after).

Besides needing to lose weight anyway. I was looking at some TBT photos in honor of today being Thursday, and I loved the way I looked my sophomore year of college. :)

A friend posted on facebook something to the effect of "looking back and not knowing that you looked good"... like back then you thought you looked horrible but you looked amazing---er. Well ya. Haha. That was a pretty good year for me.

I don't really post a lot about motivation and posting pics of abs and stuff... but maybe I should because people are all about Jillian Michaels picture hanging in their kitchen as a reminder to look AWESOME and not stuff their face.

Well I love you guys!
Night! EEEEk Friday is tomorrow, and my BF will be home after a month of NOT seeing him!

xoxo,
Blabbermouth :)

Texting

Sometimes I wish texting did not exist. Hear me out before freaking. Sometimes texting is great. I'm in a quiet place and can't call... What will I do? Oh I can't text my mom or friend or whoever. BUT sometimes we get so used to texting that we don't take the time to really talk to people anymore. Or we tell people how we feel through texting and then think we don't have to talk about how we feel. 

This is my soapbox for today. Who knows what it will be tomorrow? 

Xoxo,

Blabbermouth:)

Adorable moments that I cherish

She's the reason I try in life and the reason for everyone's smile ;). Love that girl. My niece is an angel sent to our family... With a little attitude of course :). Enjoy. 

Xoxo, Blabbermouth:)

Awkward

Last night I did something kind of awkward (which is also the title of one of my favorite shows). I kind of made an arce of myself and thought I blew it... And then it was okay. 

I told the truth to a person I really care about and was so scared. I talked to my best friend about it, and she gave me the courage (that's a little strong.. But she helped me) to tell the truth. It all ended pretty well. Ya know when you send a text and think you're gonna die? Oh you don't???? Well let me tell you that I am amazing and not that scared of things... Well I was about to puke and lose it sending a text (that was not even that big of deal). 

That's all I guess. Idk what else to say. 

Thanks, 

Blabbermouth :)

Weekend IN CS

I will write more later, but for now here are some photos from my beautiful weekend in CS with J-lo. :))))

Just because

I totally forgot to post about the "just because" incident. Well a couple of weeks ago now, I received some flowers at school - in front of my student- so of course they are freaking out. Their teacher was also freaking out. I was like whose are these in my head and turning BRIGHT RED! Haha oh goodness. Anyway, our student worker from last year was visiting my school, and she just happened to deliver them to me and got to see all this. She was like READ THE CARD. what did the card you ask????!!!! Just because. From Garrett. Awwwww. Right? I know. He really is a keeper. It's hard for me to realize that he's like my boyfriend. It's been so long that I've been able to have a guy around my family and friends (and myself) that I actually care for them to be around. He's great. Moving on.... Well I had to go deliver something to his mom, and I did a little just because of my own. ;) mine wasn't as extravagant, but he liked the card and candy left in his room ;). I wrote "just because" on the card. Honestly, I was just going to write that on the envelope, but I killed the envelope by writing a 'g' instead of a 'j'. Awkward! The English teacher can't write! Haha

Anyway, night. Because I'm sleepy :))))

Xoxo,
Blabbermouth :)

No social media

Since Tuesday, I have not been on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or Snapchat AND I AM ALIVE! It really has not been that bad, but I have been texting a lot more of my friends :))).
Yesterday, my new Michael Kors watch came in. I received gift cards for Christmas, and that is what I decided to buy. I have no regrets because it is beautiful! Silver Silver! :)
Anyway... back to fb madness. My friends and family looked at me like I was crazy... as in... Can you really do this? Well I have done it. I am kind of missing posting so many photos. When I am at Jennifer's birthday (a friend that lives in CS that I have not seen in FOREVER) I will probably regret no picture posting because we will be reunited! I will just have to blog about our fun birthday dinner and drinks! Well I have to go teach so TGIF! Happy weekend :)

xoxo,
Blabbermouth :)

School

School is like HALF way over for the year. That is very frightening since I need more time with some of these children. God will have to protect their minds.. and mine when the STAAR comes. I have so many lovable kids this year that I would seriously adopt. Some of them talk to me like an older sibling to confide in :). I am so thankful for that. These students I have this year really put a smile on my face, and I have like zero (mostly) behavior issues.

Impromptu post

Just adding this (wrote this yesterday) to the following post... I was really focused on buying a house and then reality hit that it would be awesome to SAVE money and buy a dream type house for my first home. These are the things that were in my mind while writing this .... not like having BAYBAYs! haha

This evening I'm feeling like I want to "jump the gun". When you're in a race, you always wait for the gun shot. I am just wanting to push! push! on! I'm so happy in life... great job and an even greater support system, but I feel unsettled- if that's the right word. 23 (and a half) is such a weird age. I know I'll look back and freak out at these amazing times. I feel like I need to not be such a doubting Thomas. I'm going to pray that prayer right now. Gimme 5.

Okay... Proceeding. I'm tired of waiting and wishing. God has it all in control all the time AND I need to practice what I preach. I'm done.

My new beau is so sweet and caring, and sometimes all I do is wonder what he's thinking. Let me just say.. That ain't gonna happen sister! To myself.

The male species is a wonder. I'm about 5% sure the guy will read this, so it's okay. Shout out to you babe if you do! You know the girl you're dating is a thinker. Sometimes all my mind does is think and wonder... Even while teaching. Is that bad?

In the past few years, I thought about what it would be like to graduate college, if I would be a teacher, what grade I would teacher if I graduated, how old I would be when I got married, would my husband be like my ex boyfriend and belittle me (when I say that I'm taking some of the blame too. I went back. I put myself in the position. I needed that mistake to make me a better, well rounded person and to push me to find the "right" guy for me), would I have kids, would I like little ME's  lol just to name a few of the thoughts I had.

Well fast forward and a lot of those questions have not been filled. I'm like whattttt? Greatness! How would that feel to actually have all answered. Thank The Lord, they're still questions and I can explore a little longer. Even writing that sentence I just had a thought. Do I really feel that way?

Where should I explore?

I think a lot of this was.... I lost my train of thought going from phone to iPad. Great! I hate when that happens in the middle of a great thought. When you don't have a ton you have to make it work! Anywho! I've been seeing people getting engaged and like my friends say, "I'm always at a wedding", so it's just weird wanting that and not wanting it all at the same time. I'm happy to be a young woman in a world that says (usually) that women can do as much as men.

Where did that come from? This was a kind of poor me-- privileged white girl and it's a Monday and now it's girl power. Welcome to my mind.

TTYL, 

Blabbermouth :)