I'm different

This time... I'm not going to worry about what it expected of me. I'm different. I'm going to say what's on my mind and not hold back.

I'm going to be the girl that I tell my best friend to be. I'm going to lift my self up like I do for my sisters. I will not change myself for a male specimen. That's what the problem is for me--- what used to be my problem anyway.

I'm not doing to be the girl that lost it over a boy. I will be someone my mother would be proud of-- and my dad too.

I saw myself being a little needy today when I noticed that everything wasn't going as planned. Then I thought about how boring life would be if I always got "my" way

Update on Trusting God

My last blog was written on my prayer for 2015 being to TRUST IN HIM! Lately I have been speaking in faith and believing in my heart that I can and WILL trust in The Lord. As I think about my life so far, I'm happy. I've been through a lot of mess, but I have been through way MORE joyous times! The way I see it is-- I'm a 24 (soon to be 25) lady/woman (weird words for me) living in the moment. Each week is so different for me. I just found out this week that I made an A in my first grad class, and I'll tell you I was thrilled. I worked my tail off for that A and prayed... A lot! 

I questioned if grad school at UTA was really for me right now, and now I know in my heart that this is the right time for this new step. My mind is aware of all the changes, and even though I'm tired during the five-week courses all the time, it's so worth it when I look back on my one week off! 

My next issue in my last post about trusting God was about my life. I think you know what I mean. Those questions from friends (not usually family) about where my life is headed. Even this week I've had so many "I have the perfect guy for you" or "Can I set you up?" situations. These days it's not that I don't to meet anyone, but like my best friend and I said to each other... It'll happen when it happens. I feel like God will take care of it and perfectly do it for me. 

I'm not opposed to these friends setting me up, but I have a long list of must haves ;). I'm not being that girl-- it's mostly God-related topics that I can't waver on... This time. My past relationships have not been God-driven from the beginning, so they were bound to fail. This time it won't fail because I won't be indulging something just to be "in a relationship on Facebook" or in general.  I have found recently that I took to many opinions of friends and acquaintances in my past relationships wayyyyy too much. 

One of my pastors always says that a relationship has two people in it. He didn't marry his wife, so she could go out and tell all of her friends all of their personal husband and wife business. I think of it like that --- I was getting too much advice from people that weren't my parents or other couples I look up to for God-based advice. 

I need to make sure that this time around-- that is what happens. That's it. 

I will leave you with Sam Hunt's "Take Your Time" lyrics. I love this song-- not as much the bar scene that they are in, but just the words, "I don't wanna take your heart. I just wanna take your time". It's perfectly said how in the beginning a lot of people fall in love and jump into bed together. Take your time and get to know each other. Listen to the other person and LEARN about them. That is the teacher coming out I'm sure, but I want to learn about my partner in life before I "fall in love" with them. If we have nothing in common and he's into killing people and hates teachers.. We may not be the right match! Hahaa! Didn't expect that? Did Ya? 

Thanks for reading :)

Xoxo,

Blabbermouth :) 

P.s. I never stop talking or blogging how I talk. If it pops into my brain, it'll probably be written down. 

P.p.s. I have started eating better and biking again... Wish me luck! I need to get back to making time for some exercise with all the crazy business in my life right now! God-family-school-exercise. Haha. 

Idk about a title... too bad!

I am trying to do my masters work right now, but as we all know I am horrible at getting things out of my head that NEED to be put into blog-form.

Today was a tough day at school. I had a student tell me that I would never have children. Now, to the child, this was a joke, and I am sure that his hand-written apology note was meaningful. For me, it made me think of my future even more. I know that God has a plan for me, but as I tearfully write this, I want more answers than God wants to give me at the moment. This is my prayer for 2015: TO TRUST IN HIM. I trust in Him to steer my vehicle, so I do not get in a crash, so what's my hard about TRUSTING HIM to steer my life to the right man and create a life. RIGHT? It really is that simple in the way my strong faith says to believe. However, I wonder if I need to do more to make my life happen... or if I even need a life right now outside of my career, going back to college, my apartment, family and friends. It is a lot!

I do not even know that I could make time for this guy anyway, but it would be nice to be chased. I am a big sucker for certain types of romance. I love getting good morning texts... and good afternoon and good evening LOL! That's embarrassing. I like pretending to be embarrassed more than I actually am probably. I love surprises MOST of the time. Anyway, back to my time. WELL, I have to study for class, I have to create lessons for MY class (school), and I have 500,000 other obligations/things I care about every week. I say I want to fall in love or whatever, but do I really have time?

He would probably be my weekend romance! :)

Back to the NO KIDS comment. I think it was super hard for me because I have the same thoughts sometimes. The kids just made me aware of my own insecurities. I am not someone that likes to face that... obviously, but it was probably good for me to notice!

NEW TOPIC: (yes my brain is a mystery that travels a mile a minute)
SHOULD I REALLY BE IN GRAD SCHOOL???????????????????
The answer to this question is I don't know. Hopefully I will find out more about this soon because I am dying to know.

For now, here's a selfie!

Thankful

My next blog post should be about being thankful. Thanksgiving is over, and we are  moving on to Christmas In a hurry! I never want to forget about Thanksgiving. I find that every now and then I'm sad at this time of year. I think about family that we have lost and things like that. BUT THEN I remember that they are in a better place, and I need to be thankful for the ones that are left. I love my family and friends that are like family more than they know. It's like being with my family is unbelievable sometimes. We are so close that it's scary thinking about adding someone to the mix. As I sat with my cousin, April this weekend/Holiday before my sisters arrived, I felt déjàvu A TON! It's like we do the same things a lot of the time through the holidays, but every year there is someone added or a little change. This year my older sister is pregnant along with some of our family and friends. It's weird to think that every holiday will be different from the time on. There will be extra spouses and babies and more. When I get married I will try my hardest to not be selfish, but I know I'll be sad not being around for every holiday with my family. 

Well that was depressing to even think about... Huh? 

Back to being thankful. :). I'm glad to have the best (biased) people in my life and am excited for future additions.. I think! 

Xoxo, 

Blabbermouth 

Mondays got me like

Today is your day, your chance! This is the life you were meant to live. Okay.. That was a little much for a Monday, but I really should tell myself this stuff every Monday morning. They are always the hardest days for me to get out of bed. It's okay. I mean, I know I have a purpose and all that on Mondays, but I must admit I'm not the nicest I could always be. Today, my prayer is that I'm way TOO kind this week. I want people to say, "What has gotten into her?"  Jesus is what should be exalted through me every chance I get. It's okay if you don't agree.. You're lame, but it's alright ;). Only joking!  My hope for this week is to be the best I can be. I'm tired of stalking people that don't want to be friends with me or going out of my way to show my love to people that obviously could care less. That's just the way it has to be. I can't make people be friends with me or more than that. I'm going to accept that God has my back and that's awesome :). 

Xoxo, 

Blabbermouth 

It all started with a thought

It all started with a thought. I posted the above picture (status) on Facebook thinking not a lot about it beforehand... But then.... I got to thinking. Uh oh! I know! 

Now just because I'm a female, does not mean that everything I blog about has to be about a male. Obviously(if you follow me), it usually does... But that's beside the point. What I want to say is that it still sucks (I say still because I've wrote about this before) that people from your past can't stick around for every long. Now it's one thing if it's not meant to be, they are mean to you, or they die, but what about those friends that you just lose touch with or that old boyfriend that you really did like but you were in different places. (Run on... So what?) Well to those cases, I want to say... What the heck?  It sucks!

I don't know what men... I mean friends have to just not be friends or whatever they were to you anymore. It's like you grow apart and then it's awkward. 

Now back to the FB post: 

I feel like I was trying to say... Well.. Uh... That it's weird when you think back in time and see that person and imagine  talking and them saying your name, but you feel like it didn't really happen. Idk how to explain it... Maybe what if? Yes what if? I had a long time bf, but now it's hard to even remember what we had in common or what we even talked about. It's like a puzzle of huh? We went out? Not even going into the fact that I don't even remember the last time we talked or I saw him in person. Weird? Right? Now that is a good thing in most cases to not see an Ex... I get that one, but what about those friends that you used to do everything with... Then one day! Poof! They're gone! I wish all of my friends could go together one day and hang out and just remember all the good time! Where do I live? Not in a rainbow land of that's what you're thinking! I know that'll never happen, but a girl can dream. 

Random topic in my head: I should be a buzzfeed writer one day! I have a lot to say and share, and I think it would/could be fun to write about random things like plucking or waxing!!!! Oo ohhh aaaaahhhh. Idk! 

Well back to the subject at hand... There's nothing else to say except I'm a loony person and enjoy thinking it all out. It's always helped me to write things down. Recently I wrote a heart felt text to a friend of mine and probably freaked them out, but hey! That's me. Take it (me) or leave her? Idk how that goes. 

Sayonara! (sp?) 

Xoxo,

Blabbermouth 

What was it?

Was it love, lust or something else completely? I don't know how to explain the last year of my life. That's hard and seems horrible for me to say. I feel like my heart is mended ever since I went to church on Sunday (I go every Sunday, but yesterday seemed pretty special). Now I just have to understand the feelings I have for a guy that I've known practically my whole life. He knows I like him. I know he likes me... Pretty sure, but there's nothing done about it. Ya! You read that right. Nothing... Nada is happening. I ate dinner tonight with one of my best friends, and she put things into perspective talking about a guy she really likes. Our lives really are kind of parralel right now besides her having a son ;). She talked about how we could die not knowing how the other person feels, so it's not worth it not to talk to them or to play the stupid mind games. I feel like she is so right having been through really tough times.

My friend... We will just call him that... Is someone that I could totally see myself with most of the time. I think he's the kind of guy that my family would love that hasn't met him, and my friends liked. It's only hard to get him talking at times, but in my dreams he is quiet and they still like him then. Well... That kind of sounded like a stalker. Eeek! What I meant was that he shows up in my dreams a lot of the time and is interacting with my friends and family and keeping me close and being all cutesy and... Blah blah blah! See, the thing is... I think he thought he was worse than he actually was. He wasn't the most cuddly fellow, but I was okay with that. The few times he did let me in, I was very happy :).

There's really nothing else to say except that I wanna see my future still even though that would spoil absolutely everything ;). The end

Xoxo,
Blabbermouth :)